Who will hand you your sword?
Depression, Grief, and Purpose.
Some battles leave no visible wounds.
Every Sunday there are men sitting in churches carrying grief, depression, anxiety, exhaustion, and hopelessness behind a practiced smile.
While only around 6% of men report suffering from depression, this number is believed to be severely underreported.
If you are a man reading this and you are struggling, please speak up. Seek help. Talk to a trusted friend. Talk to a trusted pastor. Talk to your doctor. You do not have to fight this battle alone. I write this as a pastor who himself has struggled with depression and has someone who has done too many burials of men before it was their time.
We are not the first generation to deal with these struggles. Great men throughout history have fought this battle before us, and there is wisdom found in their words and stories.
The wisdom of Christians throughout history points us toward many helps in seasons of darkness. One of the most memorable illustrations I have found, however, comes not from a theological treatise but from one of the greatest works of Christian fiction ever written.
My favorite work of fiction is The Lord of the Rings. While it is a world filled with magic, elves, orcs, and hairy-footed hobbits, it is deeply grounded in a Christian worldview.
At the beginning of the second book, The Two Towers, Gandalf encounters King Théoden. Théoden has had the wicked Gríma Wormtongue whispering lies and deceit into his ear. He has become a brittle and broken man, overcome by despair, fear, and mistrust.
As those lies begin to be undone, Théoden comes face to face with the reality of the loss around him—the death of his own son and the death of Boromir. He cries out in despair:
“Slowly Théoden sat down again, as if weariness still struggled to master him against the will of Gandalf. He turned and looked at his great house. ‘Alas!’ he said, ‘that these evil days should be mine, and should come in my old age instead of that peace which I have earned. Alas for Boromir the brave! The young perish and the old linger, withering.’ He clutched his knees with his wrinkled hands.”
Despair and grief come upon us for many reasons. The death of a child is one of the most jarring things anyone can endure. The loss of a marriage, a career, a dream, or even one’s health can leave a man feeling just as broken.
Yet notice what Gandalf says next:
“Your fingers would remember their old strength better, if they grasped a sword-hilt.”
For Théoden, his sword was connected with his purpose as a king and as a faithful man. It had been hidden from him and, in many ways, stolen from him. So many men walk this same path of despair, feeling that their purpose has been taken from them. They have believed the lies of the serpent. Believers do not escape this temptation either.
Scripture repeatedly reminds God’s people who they are before reminding them what they are called to do. Our identity is rooted in Christ before it is expressed in our calling. Remembering who we belong to gives strength to faithfully take up the work He has given us.
Yet look at what is said of Théoden after a sword is placed back into his hands:
“He turned towards Éomer, and the men looked in wonder at him, standing now proud and erect. Where was the old man whom they had left crouching in his chair or leaning on his stick?”
As men, we need to remember our purpose and calling. We were made in the image of God. We were made to exercise dominion as kings under the King of Kings. We were made to glorify our Maker and make His name great.
Even modern psychiatrists acknowledge the value of knowing one’s purpose. Studies have consistently found that people who possess a strong sense of purpose report significantly lower levels of stress, despair, and depression.
This will not prevent the lies from coming or the weapons from being formed against us. But with the armor of God we can take up our purpose and stand firm in the battle.
Men, you need trusted brothers in your life who remind you of your purpose and your calling. You need men to hand you your sword. The enemy has always preferred isolated soldiers. You cannot fight this battle alone. Find faithful brothers who will point you to Christ, remind you of His promises, and place the sword back into your hands when you have grown weary.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.
We are to look beyond our suffering and the lies. We must look to our purpose and destination our purpose is calling us to.
Our ultimate purpose is not merely to feel useful again. It is to know Christ, glorify Him, and faithfully walk with Him whether our hearts are light or heavy. Some days our hands tremble as we take hold of the sword. Yet our King never abandons His soldiers. He strengthens the weary, upholds the fainthearted, and promises that one day every battle against sin, sorrow, and death will finally be over.
So who is by your side now handing you your sword and reminding you of who your God is? Who will hand you your sword?
Just a final note: depression is an extraordinarily complicated reality. It can be caused by a mixture of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual factors. This article is not intended as a cure-all, but rather as one tool in your arsenal. God often works through wise counsel, faithful friends, medical care when appropriate, His Word, prayer, and the fellowship of His church to strengthen weary saints.