Diving deep into theology and church history while I was in Bible college led me to discover the deep and valuable tradition of family discipleship. It is a tradition that goes back a long way.
Matt Chandler and Adam Griffin, in their book Family Discipleship, divide the practice into three segments based on where it occurs: Time, Moments, and Milestones. Time is intentional, planned discipleship time with your children, either daily or weekly. Moments involve leveraging everyday moments to have gospel-centered conversations with your children. Milestones involve marking and celebrating certain occasions around significant spiritual milestones.
This is just one framework among many that have been encouraging this very practice for a long time, even if it remained unnamed. The classic term for this practice was Family Worship.
Pastors and theologians from long ago developed creeds, catechisms, and confessions as a way to teach not only the adults in their congregations but also their children. The Reformers and Puritans encouraged family worship, which included singing hymns and psalms, reading and teaching Scripture, and praying together.
This practice is not prescribed in Scripture as one particular format or length of time, but it is a way to fulfill so many of the commands given throughout Scripture. Deuteronomy 6:4–9 commands parents to teach God’s words diligently to their children, speaking of them throughout the rhythms of everyday life. Psalm 78:4–7 reminds us of our responsibility to tell the next generation about the mighty works of God. Ephesians 6:4 instructs fathers to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
Yet what do you do when your children are too little to understand? What do you do when you have a wide variety of ages? What do you do when you have two nonverbal kids and a toddler? How do I have this hour-long, somber, and holy worship service in my house when my kids cannot sit still for longer than just a couple of minutes?
Like so much of life, the reality does not always match the ideal.
When this happens, and we try and try and fail and fail, Satan can have a field day. He loves to wiggle through the open doors of our perfectionism and use it to cast us down into self-righteous destruction. We begin to believe that because we cannot do family worship like our heroes of the faith, we must be failing and disappointing God in our leadership of our families.
What I have learned over these last few years is that family discipleship does not have to be this crazy, complicated thing. We simply have to pass along the love that we have for our God to our children.
I want to show you what Time, Moments, and Milestones looks like when your family is not typical and the situations are not ideal.
Time: Judah and the Headphones
For my family, Time does not look like a twenty-minute devotional and prayer time. Instead, it looks like reading a Bible story multiple times throughout the week, praying every night at dinner, and singing worship songs to Jesus on the daily. It comes in the rhythm of life and not necessarily on a planned schedule.
We don’t have a formal catechism time, but with my toddler, we regularly review the first catechism questions as we go. We discuss Jesus and salvation and sing “Jesus Loves Me.”
My older autistic son finally started using the headphones and ear protection we had gotten him. The other day, I was listening on repeat to the Scripture passage I was preaching on using the Music Bible app, which takes passages of Scripture and turns them into songs so that you can meditate on and memorize them.
I was wearing my big headphones, and it was 5 in the morning. I was doing my devotional by listening to Scripture, praying, and watching my son, who had woken up at 3 AM, to make sure he was happy and safe.
He snuck up behind me and stole my headphones. Second Corinthians 6 was playing on a loop, and I watched for the next twenty minutes as he walked around dancing and laughing with joy. I could barely hear what he was listening to, but I laughed and danced with joy, too.
Now we almost have this as a routine. I wait until he takes my headphones, put on the Scripture, and we laugh and dance to the Word of God.
Moments: Ransom and the Fart Noises
But if I am honest, in my house, it can get quite weird, even with my typically developing toddler.
The other day, I asked my three-year-old if he would want to come and pray with me.
“I don’t know how to pray. Will you teach me?”
“Bro, we pray every day.”
“Okay, I will pray with you.”
He then crawled up to me, proceeded to hold my hand, and looked at me so sweetly as I prayed. As I closed, he said, “Amen,” and then proceeded to make fart noises and laugh.
Having a son who can talk and converse about God is so amazing. It is one of the greatest joys of my life. It is also absolutely hilarious. My son bounces between acknowledging deep theological truths and uttering utter unintended heresy.
As someone who hasn’t been able to converse with my older two sons, I will not waste this time. I will not avoid it. I will not shame him. I will laugh and rejoice and live in these moments.
Deuteronomy 6:7 reminds us that teaching our children God’s commands happens as we sit in our houses, walk by the way, lie down, and rise. Discipleship doesn’t have to wait for a scheduled devotional. Sometimes it happens while sitting on the floor, holding hands, and even making fart noises.
Milestones: Knox and Celebrating Milestones
Milestones are amazing opportunities for discipleship in your home. In the typical home, they can occur around big birthdays, learning to drive, sports, camping, and preparing for marriage. But how do you disciple through milestones when they look drastically different in your home?
My middle son is extremely medically complex. There was a time when we were told he would not make it to his first birthday. There was a time when we were told he wouldn’t make it to his fifth birthday. He turns six years old this month, and we don’t know how long he will live.
He didn’t walk until he was almost four. He still hasn’t really spoken his first word. He may never. He may never drive. He might not turn ten or sixteen. He most likely will never graduate high school or college. He most likely won’t get married and will probably live with us all of his life.
So what milestones do we celebrate?
Heartiversary. Medical milestones. Birthdays. Delayed milestones.
Each year, we celebrate and remember the moments of God’s healing grace like it’s nobody’s business. Like many CHD (congenital heart disease) families, we celebrate the anniversaries. We remember the second chances and tell our son, especially on these days, how grateful I am to be his dad.
In the Old Covenant, God gave His people multiple opportunities throughout the year to celebrate and remember the moments of His saving grace. In Exodus 12:24–27, God instructed His people to observe the Passover so that future generations would remember what He had done in delivering them from Egypt. In Joshua 4:6–7, the Israelites set up memorial stones so that their children would ask about them and hear the story of God’s faithfulness.
It is healthy to do this in our homes as well.
Our milestones look different, but when they hit, we celebrate bigger and louder. We save these memories so that we can share them each year with our children and tell them how God worked and is working in our lives.
Conclusion
Your family discipleship does not have to look perfect. But it is a joy and a privilege to pass along your love of God to the next generation. Don’t waste it.
I long for the days when my kids can talk to me about their doubts and fears and when I can give them God’s Word. So while they cannot always sit still, ask questions, or respond, I will still set a pattern of love, joy, and celebration.
If you have a typically developing child or a child with a disability, please hear me: you can do this with God’s strength.