This is part four of a series on the character required of a father raising children in the middle of a chaotic situation. In Titus 1, Paul tells Titus to put things in order and describes the situation in Crete quite bluntly. His solution is to put men of character in positions of leadership. If you are raising a child with disabilities, dealing with medical complexities, or facing another situation that complicates the ideal family, you need to be a man of strong character to help keep your family from falling into chaos. In this series, we are looking at what that character looks like. This qualification forces us to consider what fathers are responsible for in the spiritual formation of their children, and what ultimately belongs to God alone.
Titus 1:6c: “And his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination.”
This is one of the more complicated qualifications for an elder because it forces us to hold several truths together. Salvation is wholly a work of God. We cannot force anyone to believe in Jesus, not even our own children. We also cannot make choices for other people. So how can a man be disqualified from eldership if his children are unbelievers? There are several interpretations of this passage.
The phrase translated “his children are believers” comes from the Greek tekna echōn pista (τέκνα ἔχων πιστά). The question centers on the word pista, which can mean either “believing” or “faithful.” One interpretation is that an elder’s children must be regenerate believers. The problem with this interpretation is that it seems to place the responsibility for their salvation on their parents.
Douglas Wilson summarizes the first view quite succinctly: “if a man’s children fall away from the faith (either doctrinally or morally), he is at that point disqualified from formal ministry in the church.” Alexander Strauch offers another interpretation: “The contrast is made not between believing and unbelieving children, but between obedient, respectful children and lawless, uncontrolled children.” What is at stake, Strauch suggests, is “the children’s behavior, not their eternal state.”
I lean toward Strauch’s interpretation because of what Paul says next. He describes the children as not being open to charges of debauchery or insubordination. Both descriptions have to do with their conduct. Paul seems to be concerned with how a father’s children behave rather than requiring proof that they have been regenerated.
Regardless of which interpretation is correct, fathers have a responsibility to disciple their children. We should want our children to share our faith, regardless of their disabilities or limitations. I have two nonverbal children and one typical child, and I pray that each of them will profess Christ as Lord and Savior as soon as they are able. We cannot guarantee our children’s salvation, but that does not excuse us from teaching, correcting, and discipling them. Our responsibility is to point them toward Christ and trust God with the work only He can do.
Law and Gospel
Fathers and the Law
What is our responsibility as fathers of children with disabilities? How do we bring order into the chaos of our homes? The qualifications Paul gives for an elder help us think through our responsibilities as fathers, but we also need to consider what the rest of Scripture teaches about raising our children.
Debauchery describes a life in which someone has abandoned restraint and no longer cares about his actions. Insubordination is the refusal to obey.
Our ultimate goal as fathers is to see our children standing beside us for all eternity, worshiping the King of kings and Lord of lords. We also have more immediate responsibilities. We want to raise our children to develop a Christian conscience and become obedient and upright citizens. These things matter because God’s law teaches us what is good and exposes what is wrong.
In Galatians 3:19–29, Paul explains the purpose of the law. He writes that “the law was our guardian until Christ came, in order that we might be justified by faith” (Galatians 3:24). The law cannot save us. It exposes our sin and shows us our need for Christ.
Our children, including those with disabilities, are born fallen into a fallen world. My middle son has Williams syndrome, a genetic condition often associated with an unusually social and outgoing disposition, sometimes described as “those who love too much.” He is intellectually disabled and completely non-speaking. But he can also be naughty.
He will cry when he does not get his way, and he will pull his brothers’ hair. He still struggles to stand or walk for long periods of time, but if one of his brothers tries to take his tablet, he becomes an untrained jiu-jitsu master. He has no scruples about biting or pulling hair. Even he needs to learn and be taught to Love God and to Love others.
Our children need to learn what is right and wrong. The law shows them their sin and their need for salvation. It cannot give them new hearts, but it does teach them that they need Christ.
The book of Proverbs has plenty to say about raising children. Proverbs 1:8–9 tells children to listen to their father’s instruction and their mother’s teaching. Proverbs 13:24 addresses the parent’s responsibility to discipline. Proverbs 22:6 speaks about training a child in the way he should go, while Proverbs 22:15 reminds us that foolishness is bound up in a child’s heart and that discipline is necessary. Proverbs 29:15 connects correction with wisdom, and Proverbs 29:17 calls parents to discipline their children so that they may have rest and bring delight to their parents.
Fathers are not called to sit back and hope their children turn out well. We are responsible for teaching, correcting, and disciplining them. That responsibility does not disappear when a child has a disability. It may change how we teach and correct, but we are still called to pursue what is good for our children.
Our children need parents that will share with them the Law of God.
Fathers and the Gospel
We cannot force our children to believe the gospel of Jesus Christ. But that does not mean we sit back and wait for them to figure things out on their own. Both the Old and New Testaments command parents to teach their children about God.
Psalm 78:1–8 calls one generation to tell the next about the works and praises of the Lord so that they might set their hope in God. Ephesians 6:4 commands fathers to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Paul also reminds Timothy that, from childhood, he had known the sacred writings that were able to make him wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus (2 Timothy 3:14–15).
Godly manhood and godly fatherhood begin with the gospel and end with the gospel. If the gospel of Jesus Christ has transformed us, and if we have seen the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ, then we ought to want our children to know Him, too.
There is a lie from Satan that I think has become far too common among Christian parents: the idea that we cannot force religion on our kids. Of course, there are harmful ways to pass along religion. We can raise legalistic little Larrys or rebellious Rebas. But the solution is not to let our children decide whether they want to go to church or whether they want to participate in family worship.
As fathers, this comes down to what we love and what matters most to us. If you love something, you want your children to love it, too. That is true of the little things, like our sports fandoms and hobbies, and it is true of the bigger things, like our families and our faith.
My children were not born wearing orange and blue, but they have worn plenty of cute Florida Gators outfits over the years. Our Saturdays in the fall involve watching the Gators take us on an emotional roller coaster. We cheer and chomp and shout, “Go Gators!” We sing Tom Petty’s “I Won’t Back Down” at the top of our lungs.
When I watch those games, I think about the times I spent with my father. I remember the games we attended, the Saturdays spent watching Steve Spurrier dominate Georgia, and, as I got older, watching Tim Tebow be the most electric college football player of all time.
My dad loved the Gators, and I love my dad. His love for the Gators rubbed off on me. Now I am watching the same thing happen with my sons. I love the Gators, and they are starting to love the Gators, too.
Yet unlike Florida football, which will convince you that we are back after the first four games before losing back-to-back games to subpar SEC teams, Christ will not let my children down.
The law shows our children their need for salvation, but the gospel tells the story of God rescuing us when we could not rescue ourselves. Jesus has won the victory over sin, Satan, and death. In Him, we see the glory of God. Christ will not let my children down, and the gospel provides what the law never could. The law can show us our sin, but it cannot rescue us from the consequences of our failure to keep it. Jesus does what we cannot do for ourselves. He is our only hope of escaping the darkness, death, and destruction that sin brings. This should cause our hearts to explode with love and praise.
The more I love Jesus, the more I will celebrate Jesus. The more I love Jesus, the more I will brag about His bride, the church, with my children. The more I love Jesus, the more I will teach my children to pray to the One who has heard me over and over again. And the more I love Jesus, the more I will share with my children what He has done for me and for them.
Our children need parents that will share with them the Law of God but even more our children need Fathers that are so in love with God because of the gospel that they joyfully pass along that love to their children.
Previous Articles in Series
Fatherhood in Chaos Part 1
A Father Above Reproach: Fatherhood in Chaos Part 2
Don’t Make Her Carry it Alone: Fatherhood in Chaos Part 3