3 Steps to Peace as a Caregiver
How trusting the Lord transforms this season of life.
The Weight of Caregiving
Over the past four years, I have learned firsthand how challenging it is to be a caregiver for someone with complex medical needs. Your burdens multiply exponentially. Not only do you have to manage your own life, job, and immediate family, along with the normal stresses of life, but you also carry the weight of another person's life in your hands. In my congregation and among my friends, I’ve seen wonderful, hardworking people crumble under the strain of caring for aging parents or sick loved ones.
As a caregiver, your health often takes a toll. You lose sleep and may be required to lift or transport your loved one for various activities, which can be physically exhausting. For example, my wife and I bear the responsibility of ensuring our child’s feeding tube is properly maintained. My son has a nasogastric (NG) tube that goes through his nose and down to his stomach; this is how he receives all his food and medication. From what I’ve heard, this is an extremely difficult task to perform on a willing and compliant adult. From personal experience, I can tell you that doing this on a toddler feels like wrestling an alligator. You might get punched or bitten along the way, and by the end of it, you feel as if you’ve gone fifteen rounds with a UFC champion.
But caregiving isn’t just about the physical weight—it’s the mental and emotional weight, too. Mentally, you often wrestle with the complexities of the healthcare system, which may require fighting with insurance companies, hiring lawyers, and dealing with case managers. You have to keep track of therapy schedules, doctor’s appointments, and surgeries.
The emotional toll can be just as heavy. You watch someone you love deteriorate, becoming a shell of who they once were. This decline can manifest in the loss of memory or personality traits you once cherished. You may find yourself grieving a thousand times before they actually pass away—grieving the present situation, mourning the future you envisioned, and lamenting the things you’re missing in the moment as you take on the role of caregiver.
So, what can you do if you find yourself in this situation? How do you carry this weight without getting crushed beneath it, like a heavy stone?
1. Seek Rest
Matthew 11:28-30 (ESV)"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
We are not meant to carry every burden. As a caregiver, you often carry more than most. You bear your own burdens and those of the person in need. How can you hold all of that without collapsing? You have to give it to someone stronger than you. Jesus promises rest to those who lay down their burdens at His feet. When you lay your head down at night, turn to Him in prayer. Weep and unload your burden, then let sleep take you. When you're waiting for answers, trust the One who holds them all. As a caregiver, you know more than anyone that when someone else helps carry the load, it allows you to collapse, even for a moment. When a family member steps in to help or a nurse takes over, you get the physical rest you need. In the same way, unless you hand over your mental and emotional burdens to the Sovereign of the universe, you’ll collapse under their weight.
2. Seek and Accept Support
Mark 2:1-5 (ESV)"And when he returned to Capernaum after some days, it was reported that he was at home. And many were gathered together, so that there was no more room, not even at the door. And he was preaching the word to them. And they came, bringing to him a paralytic carried by four men. And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay. And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, 'Son, your sins are forgiven.'"
While your list of supporters may be small, there are people willing to help. If you are part of a church, reach out to your deacon or a friend. Don’t be afraid to let others take on the physical burden for you, and don’t hesitate to allow others to carry your burdens to Jesus. Sometimes, when we’ve been caregiving for a long time, we convince ourselves that we are strong enough to handle it alone. But we desperately need others for their faith and strength. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The worst they can say is no. If you’re reading this and are not currently a caregiver, take the time to support those who are. Pray for them, and your faith and prayers might be what sustains them through another day.
3. Seek to Trust in the Sovereign Plan of God
Romans 8:28 (ESV)"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose."
You cannot know how much longer you will have with your loved one, nor can you predict whether things will get better or worse. Yet, you can rest in the promise that God is using this for your good and His glory. He is using you to proclaim the value of all human life and to show the love of Christ to a soul in need. Your work and testimony shine brightly in a world where many have given up hope. Trust through the tears, even when you can’t see it, that God will use this season of life to make an eternal impact.
Conclusion
In the end, caregiving is a profound act of love, but it is not without its hardships. The weight can feel unbearable at times, but you do not have to carry it alone. Rest in the knowledge that God is with you, holding you up when you feel like you cannot stand any longer. Seek the support of others, allowing them to share in your burden and bring you before the Lord. And above all, trust that God’s sovereign plan is at work, even in the most difficult moments. You are not forgotten, and the care you provide is seen—by those you love and by the One who sustains you through it all. Hold fast to the promise that even in the midst of caregiving, God is doing a good work in you and through you.